Sometimes it is something so small that will set you off, even now writing this it isn't something i wanna do but i'm just trooping through. To those that read this and are crazily driven by their on ambition i say well done to you.
Don't get me wrong, i believe my ambition is my undoing and also a blessing. I am a manic depressed creative. Sound familiar? This time last year, i was diagnosed with depression, bi-polar and moderate anxiety. which is a common thing these days (thinking to introduce myself with these "labels"..... Hi i'm Jake and i'm depressed, it was talking to fabio that really opened my eyes to certain "ways" and the way people can manifest there insecurities and failures onto others.
I know i have to be more understanding about certain things and yes i struggle with acceptance and are not as cutthroat as some of my friends as to be honest i care to much for what people think about me or their perception of me. And no matter how much people tell me, they could be going blue in the face, it is up to me to try to actively change that. Which i'm definitely sure i am not the only one who lets this affect them. Time to be a bit selfish with my time i thinks.
One thing i have learnt and i am now applying it to my everyday life, is that not everything revolves around me. If a friend isn't talking to me or goes off with me. And i know i haven't done anything wrong, then i know to think "that problem isn't mine, its yours!".
At the current moment i am happy where i am! my show is coming along great and all i have to do now is turn up to Edinburgh in august and perform. AMAZING!!! Watching the world cup and just thinking to myself " i should be doing more" I wont allow what my friends are doing to influence me and my actions but i cannot help but feel away when i personally feel like i am being used or picked up and dropped when it suits them.
Pretty much waffling on now, but this is all verbal diarrhoea and it just had to come out *insert cry laugh emoji*. Its not an easy thing to deal with nor is it to live with, when you're at a constant battle with your thoughts and mind process.
Anyways, this has gone on for to long. Hope you all have a blessed day! I'm going to actively start to write allot more things on here for my pwn piece of mind and really to keep those who care in the loop!
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